Readjusting Your Referral Thinking

Readjusting Your Referral Thinking

by Connie Kadansky

Asking clients for referrals can be a nerve-racking experience for salespeople. However, examining and readjusting your thinking can be a huge step toward more productive and profitable prospecting.

Tom has read all the books, listened to all the CDs, and been to all the seminars and workshops on how to build a referral business, yet he’s still frustrated by the dismal response he gets when he asks for referrals. He has diligently memorized the scripts, but the majority of people he asks still fidget and blankly say, “I can’t think of anyone.”

According to research conducted by Dr. Ray Birdwhistle of the University of Pennsylvania, when you are in front of clients only 7% of your communication comes through the actual words you choose (unless you are in highly technical discussion, and then the percentage increases). More than a quarter (27%) of the communication is in your tone of voice, and 55% is expressed through your physicality. That means if Tom is emotionally uncomfortable asking for referrals, his tone and body language could be sabotaging his success rate.

Recently a salesman told me that when he’s packing up his “stuff,” he starts talking about referrals. He rushes through the process and is not happy with the results. What is his body language telling the client, that referrals are not really that important?

Choosing the right time

Are you intuitively and wisely waiting to ask for referrals at just the right time or are you experiencing referral aversion, one of the 12 types of Sales Call Reluctance? Referral aversion is a self-imposed fear that clients will be offended, distance themselves, or drop you like a hot potato if you ask them to introduce you to people they know.

Not sure if this is you? Check whether these kinds of thoughts sound familiar to you: “I don’t want to make my client uncomfortable by asking for referrals too soon.” “I don’t feel I have proven myself yet.” “I don’t like to ask for help.” “I don’t want to appear desperate.” “I don’t want to jeopardize my relationship by asking for referrals.” “Asking for referrals is unprofessional, and I don’t want to be perceived as unprofessional.” If you think about referrals with a “don’t want” or “don’t feel” mindset, you are in fear and experiencing referral aversion.

On the other hand, if you have a gut feeling that you need to wait to ask for referrals with a particular client and you cannot verbalize or justify why, that just may be your intuition, and it may be serving you well.

Realign your thinking

The first commandment for sorting out your good instincts from your bad is “Do not kid thyself.” Once in a while, you’ll be right to wait -‑ but more often, you need to step up and ask for the referrals that you deserve.

Let’s just say that you admit you’re not comfortable asking for referrals, but you really want to become proficient at getting quality referrals. In fact, let’s say you want to build a referral-only business. If you want to activate a sales force on the street tooting your horn and promoting your services, here are some key pointers for realigning your thinking on asking for referrals:

  1. Don’t “forget” to ask. If you are “forgetting” to ask, perhaps you are selectively forgetting to ask. Make this your rule: Your appointment is not over until you have had a solid, calm conversation about referrals. Each time you allow yourself to “forget” to ask for referrals, the behavior gets reinforced and etched deeper into your unconscious repertoire until “forgetting” becomes your automatic response. A cruel, self-destructive, expensive habit is born. On the other hand, if you learn to ask, that becomes second nature too. The choice is yours.
  2. You offer a valuable service that helps people. You may hold the wrong-headed belief that you are “taking” from someone instead of “giving” someone something of value. Let go of that perspective. See yourself as offering an important, life-enhancing service. Then asking for referrals genuinely feels good: You’re connecting two decent people so they both can meet their goals.
  3. Revisit your value proposition. When is the last time you revisited the value proposition that reminds you what you do for your clients?
  4. Have the “referral talk” early on. Early in your relationships, ask your clients about their philosophy regarding sharing referral sources. If they flat-out tell you that you need to prove yourself first, then you know what you need to do. However, you may be “waiting” for just the right time while your client is already feeling generous and willing to share referrals with you immediately. The diversity of people is delightful. You may be surprised what you find if you ask a few questions instead of relying on negative assumptions.
  5. When is the last time you gave a referral? Sometimes the salespeople who complain the most about not getting referrals haven’t given a quality referral in a dog’s year. Their excuses are as lame as the ones they hear from their clients! Learn to listen for other’s needs and give quality referrals on a daily basis. A referral doesn’t need to be a direct referral for bottom-line dollars; it may be information that would make someone’s life easier. It may be a pertinent website, helpful association, or talented art teacher for a clients’ gifted child. Helping others out with information can be a powerful relationship builder and does count as giving a referral.
  6. Get to the root of your fear. Write down exactly what negative thoughts are in your brain causing you to default on business that could be yours for the asking. Your freedom begins with writing these “negative intruders” down. Once you write them down, neutralize them. Referral aversion is neutralizing your career. Neutralize the thoughts that are causing you to doubt yourself. It takes guts to admit that you are sandbagging yourself. However, once you admit it, you can change the habit of fear.
  7. Most professionals ask for referrals. Some salespeople argue “doctors and lawyers don’t ask for referrals, so why should I?” Oh, my friends, you have made up a great story if you are allowing this negative intruder to eat away at your income. How do you know doctors and lawyers don’t ask for referrals? Doctors and lawyers network and spend time and money building their networks. When is the last time you visited a doctor’s or lawyer’s office? They have a line in their intake sheet that says, “Who referred you?” Many doctors –‑ cosmetic surgeons or specialty eye surgeons, for example — have “Who do you know” sections in their intake sheets. Look at high-end lawyers who are rainmakers for their firms -‑ they ask for and get referrals consistently.
  8. Listen to your verbiage. Are you using the phrase “hit up” to describe the process of getting referrals from clients? Who wants to be “hit up” or “hit on?” How can you graciously rephrase this to help rewire your brain so that you know it’s a good process to ask for and get quality referrals? Train yourself to think something like this: “Referrals are the fastest, most direct route to increased sales and earnings. I just have to ask and not be attached to the outcome.”
  9. Do you feel that you are being “greedy” if you ask for referrals? How much is that negative intruder costing you? “Greedy” is defined in the Webster’s Dictionary as “wanting excessively to have or acquire, desiring more than one needs or deserves.” I invite you to redirect your pattern of thought. The crippling idea that you desire more than you deserve springs directly from your self-image. You will never outperform your self-image. Guilt will hold you in check. That’s why it’s vital to continue on the personal-development path and to work on establishing a healthy self-esteem that incorporates both humility and confidence that you are worthy of quality referrals and deserve a boatload of them.
  10. Ask slowly and give your client time to think and respond appropriately. Our minds think in pictures. When you are asking for referrals, slow down and allow your clients to visualize people so they can give you names. “Who do you know who is ready to retire?” Speak slowly and gently. Allow the client to look through the brain’s database and access pictures of people and names so he can give it to you! Many salespeople hurry through the asking process. Without realizing it, they are confusing their clients by asking rapid-fire questions about who they know without giving the client’s brain time to picture people! Take the pace down a few notches and narrow the field for them by describing exactly who you’re looking for.
  11. One last question to answer as candidly as you possibly can: Would you refer business to you? If so, why? List all the reasons. Now read this list twice a day, just like you take your vitamins. Nourish yourself by valuing you! If you are having trouble listing reasons, you have some internal homework to do.

Asking for referrals is the bridge to your next sale. Referral aversion has real costs. Behavioral scientists George Dudley and Shannon Goodson have documented research showing that if you are not asking for referrals, you are defaulting on a minimum of 19% of business that could be yours if you simply asked.

So, if you’re ready to meet some good potential clients – and you want to earn more – start realigning your referral practices today and watch your business grow.

Connie Kadansky is a certified coach, professional speaker, and trainer specializing in Overcoming Sales Call Reluctance®. She offers effective tools and training to diagnose Sales Call Reluctance and assists salespeople and financial advisors in highly profitable prospecting. Connie facilitates the Fear-Free Prospecting and Self Promotion Workshops® in the United States and Canada. For additional information, contact Connie at (602) 997-1101 or email her at connie@exceptionalsales.com

Sales Call Reluctance is a registered trademark of Behavioral Sciences Research Press.

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